I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We were destined to go to rehab together
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
