you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
