I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
