the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
