He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Pooping to opera.
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