Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
