So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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