normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
