I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
