i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
