the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
