all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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