Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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