Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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