I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize