Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
