How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
