so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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