also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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