You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
