I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
