Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
