I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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