You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
