his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize