Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
