I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
