I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
