I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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