did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
