Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
