He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
