All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize