grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
