you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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