I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
