Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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