i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
