dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
