Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
