Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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