And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
