So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
