So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
