$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
