dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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