You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
