So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
