Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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