once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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