$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
