youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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