The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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