is wine microwaveable?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
