Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
