You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
