someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
