i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she pinky promised me she was 18
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
