I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
