I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
