Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
