I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
