I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
