Nicole vs. Life
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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