His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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