Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
