you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
