and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize