I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize