i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
