sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
