I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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