i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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