Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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