He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
