When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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