Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
