just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
