so that wasnt chicken after all
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
