i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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