I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
