as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
