did you get engaged???
I have demons in me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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