You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
