I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize