You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
