I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
