I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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