It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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