Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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